A lot of people call me MEAN.....Hmmmm My thoughts on that.. This isn't my intent, I'm a potentially intimidating woman.... I am very conscious of this and generally actively try not to be but it's in my DNA... I'm very passionate. I am very confident, assertive, and can sometimes be aggressive. Combine that with a WOMAN that have been through somethings, seen something and don't have time for GAMES period. I say what I mean and mean what I say.. I can see how if you don't no me you would say that.. I don't let everyone in my circle. My circle right now is so small it don't make a dot to make a circle.. I've got a very large presence, which can be imposing.
I'm not mean: I'm honest... their is a difference.. I just say whats on my mind even if most can't handle the truth.. I say what everybody else keeps in their head. I'm Not Mean... I'm Just Keeping It Real. I'm not a bakery so there is no sugar coding over here...I'm going to give it you you uncut and raw.. I'm brutally honest its not my fault that the truth hurts or you cant handle it.. So here is a band aid for you..
I can be the sweetest woman in the world. I am a genuinely good person. I'm silly like to have fun. If I can help you in any way I will.. I can be a great listener. I really do empathize, and I'm good at dealing with emotion (a lot better than most). I'm a genuine person...Yes I am a handful but mean well.. I'm incredibly affectionate, both emotionally and physically; and if I like you, there's no way you can miss it.
I give the world for my friends. When I call someone my friend I mean that I love them. That their happiness as a person is important to me. My friends love me too. And I don't keep score. There is no balance sheet. It's not a competition. I don't go along to get along, and I don't believe in politely accepting that which I strongly disagree with.
If it's a matter of subjective judgement or opinion, I'll strongly present my views, and listen to yours; and I'll defend and argue mine as long as you want. Maybe you'll change my mind, maybe I'll change yours, and maybe we'll both learn something along the way... And it's not a competition. Conversation is about ideas, and information, and argument, and personality. It's not about winning and losing.
When I'm wrong, I'm the first guy to admit it. I'm harder on myself than anyone else could be. I do everything I can to fix my mistakes, and to make sure they don't happen again. I REALLY hate being wrong, but I'm glad when someone points out I am, because I have to opportunity to fix it.
Thing is though, not everything is a matter of opinion. You can't always "agree to disagree". Truth is truth, facts are facts, and the real world doesn't give a damn if you don't like something, or something makes you feel bad. Reality is what it is. You can have your own opinion, but not your own facts; and if I know for a fact I'm right, I'm not going to back down just to make you feel better.
That is, unless I don't give a damn about you whatsoever, in which case I won't even bother. If I'm actually arguing with you, it's because I respect or value you enough to think you're worth the time and effort... Well... unless you've really pissed me off, or unless I'm just doing it to amuse myself.
The other thing is... I don't play games; because frankly, unless I really like you personally and value your opinion... I don't give a damn what you think or feel about me. I don't try to earn peoples good opinions; except in trying to make my actions the right ones as much as I can. I say what I want, when I want, and do what I want when I want; based on my own rules, and my own code.
I don't do or say things to impress people, or make them like me; nor do I refrain from doing something or saying something to gain or preserve someones good opinion of me. I do them because it's who I am, or what I want or feel I need to do. I'm secure in myself, and in general I don't desire or require validation or approval from others. Faced with all this, some people are intimidated, or even feel assaulted. They feel I'm arrogant, or conceited.
And yeah, I can see why some people feel that way. Intent or not, actions or not, tone or not... yeah I can see it. Yet you would have to know me and if you feel that way its clear you don't. I have a very few, very close friends who I would kill or die for; and who put up with me and my was (and I with theirs). I have a very select group of people who I really care about, and who I think care about me, and who I would do almost anything for within my power. I'm very lucky in this. Frankly I count myself among the luckiest woman alive because of it. Some of you think I'm mean I'm really not. You just don't know me and I'm very careful who I allow in my personal space. With that been said..... Don't judge me until you know me. Don't underestimate me until you challenge me. And don't talk about me until you talk to me. If you really knew me you wouldn't call me mean. You would call me real, grown, mature, blunt, upfront, plays no games, set in my ways and the list goes on and and on but not MEAN
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